


It's Over, Isn't It?

by AbsinthexMind



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Death, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending?, Love Triangles, One-Sided Attraction, Reader-Insert, Song Lyrics, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7663465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsinthexMind/pseuds/AbsinthexMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her love had always been one-sided; there had once been hope for something to blossom before Bucky came into the picture. Now you were gone. Natasha still couldn't bring herself to move on from the past. Based on the song from Steven Universe by the same name as the title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Over, Isn't It?

Bitterness sat heavily in her chest. Sorrow eating away at her as she wallows in her pain. Looking over the vast city of New York riddled with endless city lights that polluted and blocked the pitiful stars above. How many more years would she continue this vicious cycle of torturing herself? Especially on the same day each year. She wished she could've said she was above all of this, take actual claim to her statement 'love is for children.' If it were true then she was but mere sniveling child. Natasha knew it was a waste of her energy. Every time she tried to convince herself the red headed assassin couldn't prevent the burning image of (y/n) that managed to slip into her mind. Those sweet, endearing smiles she'd tilt towered the Russian agent when the job was finally done; exhausted but pleased to have successfully finished the mission. Sweat that made her (h/c) tresses plaster against her flushed (s/t) skin. Natasha's affections for (y/n) were always inconvenient. She was doomed the moment she met the young (y/n) (l/n), beautiful like a vengeful Greek goddess.

_"You must be Agent Romanoff. About time you finally got here!" You grinned from ear-to-ear, cleaning blood off your knife on your pants. Walking over a body on the ground you hold out your hand politely to her. "Agent (l/n)."_

_"I know. I read your profile." Her languid hands shake is wary. "It looks like you have everything under control though."_

_You chuckle and shake your head bashfully. "Not really. I actually got shot in my leg and there's like five more of these assholes around the corner. So you should probably start shooting right-"_

_A clatter of footsteps and clanging guns hitting against hips interrupt you._

_"-now."_

_". . . What?"_

Natasha found herself staring vehemently at her own reflection in the glass. Casually nursing on a rather strong alcoholic concoction that Tony had put together in her hour of need. Everyone knew the significance of today and left her alone and even allowed her to the top-shelf liquor. A solemn smile tugs at her full lips, remembering (y/n) pounding back shots of Jager Bombs while a crowed cheered around her, managing only a few lucid minutes for they all hit her like a freight train. Tony's party grew even more loud, vibrant with cheers for (y/n) who swayed dangerously on her feet triumphantly smirking; Natasha could only groan at the morning she would have.

_"Aw Nat, lighten up! It's a party!" obnoxiously loud, you giggled and held on to her shoulder. Of course over the blaring music it was necessary. Natasha had a secure grip on your elbows, preparing to lead you away until you became dead weight and pull against her. "Nooo I wanna dance!"_

_"You can hardly stand let alone dance (y/n). You over did it."_

_Puffing out your cheeks you pull out of Natasha's hold. "You sound like my mother." At the sight of a particularly handsome man that was eyeing you in the most delightful way across the dance floor you grin wickedly and smooth out your skirt._

_Natasha could only watch your retreating back, hips swinging to the rhythm of the music. Glaring daggers at the man who ate you up. Hands roaming over the curves and swells of your body, each touch filled with lust. When any man approached her with the same objective and enchanting smiles they received an icy shoulder from Natasha. Even snapping at Clint when he made a joke that hit her right where it hurt. Green eyes trained protectively on (y/n). Natasha knew that this fling wouldn't last, they never did. Being a SHIELD agent made it difficult to maintain any kind of romantic relationship._

_**I was fine** _

_**With the men who would come into her life now and again** _

_**I was fine** _

_**'Cause I knew that they didn't really matter-** _

_**Until you** _

_"Natasha!" Your relieved smile recharged Natasha's battle weary body. You had not been allowed to bring in Bucky Barnes, by request of Natasha. She was -has always- been aware of how dangerous Bucky could become if he lost control of himself. Which he did thanks to Zemo. Even though she knew you were capable of protecting yourself, Natasha couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt in the chance that you dropped your guard for a second._

_Natasha welcomed your warm embrace with a tired, content sigh. Her smile hidden by your shoulder, your (h/c) locks tickling her cheek. But your body seemed to freeze. Lips going to Natasha's ear you whisper "Is that him? Barnes?"_

_Ending the hug there, Nat turns to glance behind her. Bucky, with his dark, wild long hair that hung around his face, stared with shadow rimmed eyes. Not at her, but at you. Steve clasps Bucky's shoulder and clears his throat._

_"(y/n), this is Bucky Barnes. You don't have to worry about him being. . . Compromised." Carefully selecting the last word Steve addresses Bucky. "And this is Agent (y/n) (l/n). You can trust her, Buck."_

_There was something in your expression that Nat couldn't help but notice because it eerily mirrored Bucky's. It wasn't a slow decent for either of you. Despite Bucky's circumstances and past, you couldn't prevent yourself from being attracted to him; falling in love so quickly as you did. Love. It made you blush. To Natasha's horror the feeling was mutual with the former Winter Soldier. He still guarded himself, after all he'd been through, recent events heightened this, it would take time to return to who he was. But he'd manage, Steve would help him. And a part of him hoped you would as well if you were willing to look beyond the terrible things he'd done while under Soviet control. Feelings he hadn't felt in ages took him by surprise, full throttle._

_**I was fine** _

_**When you came and we fought like it was all some silly game** _

_**Over her, who'd she choose** _

_**After all those years I never thought I'd lose** _

_"Stop it Natasha!" You snap at her and shield Bucky with your smaller body. "It's not his fault! You should know better than anyone what he's going through!"_

_Your rebuttal stings her deeply. What was even worse was the scowl sent straight at her. Spiteful (e/c) spikes that were flared with heat that scorched Natasha. A panting Bucky, calming down after an episode, concentrates on your gentle hand on his metallic arm that had just punched several holes in the wall and nearly landed a punch on you. The reason why Natasha now had her gun out. These episodes were far in occurrence, part of his PTSD that coupled with his frequent nightmares._

_"Put the gun down Nat." There was no begging, it was an order._

_Natasha felt her chest tighten. "He'll kill you one day (y/n)."_

_"I would never." Finally Bucky spoke up._

_"You don't know that. What if you lose it again? What if HYDRA infiltrates your mind again?" She kept her composure even if her heart was breaking. She wanted to trust Bucky, she had years ago. Now things were different though. There was you now._

_You wouldn't let that scare you though. "I'll take my chances. He's an Avenger now. We'll work through it. It'll take time for him to heal."_

_"There's something else. That's not the reason." Teeth clenching tightly together, Natasha puts the safety back on her gun. "You love him."_

She slammed the glass in her hand harshly against the ground, fingers digging through her amber hair nearly tearing out strands. Eyes stinging with wretched tears.

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it** _

_**Isn't it over** _

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it over** _

_**You won and she chose you and she loved you** _

Every memory of Bucky and (y/n) together overwhelmed her. Every loving moment she witnessed between them flayed at her heart.

_**And she's gone** _

Natasha viciously kicked a nearby chair, breaking it's legs in the process as a wail left her an emotional wreck.

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Why can't I move on?** _

Lashing out in a whirlwind of havoc. She didn't want to think about it anymore. Didn't want to think about (y/n)! They just kept coming like a flood, she could do nothing to stop it.

_**War and glory** _

_**Reinvention** _

_**Fusion, freedom, her attention** _

_**Out in daylight, my potential** _

_**Bold, precise, experimental** _

_**Who am I now in this world without her?** _

_**Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her** _

Should've, would've, could've; all of them nagged at her. Natasha should've told (y/n) about her feelings for her. (y/n) possibly would've accepted them. They could've had something more.

_**What does it matter? It's already done.** _

_**Now I've got to be there for her son.** _

Through her haze Natasha discovered herself in the room of (y/n)'s son. The sweet boy that constantly craved her approval but only received her hate and bitterness. He resembled Bucky most, but his smile was completely (y/n)'s. Natasha hated being around him. What was even worse was his name: Nathaniel.

_"It's like a male version of Natasha, right?" You grinned and held up the large baby in your arms. His cheeks were utterly pinchable and chubby, full of sweet baby fat and even made his neck non-existant._

_Natasha eyed Bucky who merely shrugged and smiled down at his son. "She wouldn't budge on the name. You know how (y/n) is. Stubborn as hell."_

_To that you playfully stick your tongue out at him. Bucky is quick to steal a kiss from you._

_**It's over, isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it over?** _

_Natasha couldn't breathe. Throat swelling up and intestines twisting in terrible knots. In her life she had seen hundreds of dead bodies, never casting a second glance at them. Why bother? This was different. It was Bucky's howl that made everything real as he broke down in a massive heap, holding your body to his chest and screaming at anyone who tried to get near. How did things escalate so quickly? You had been alive just a few minutes ago, laughing and telling her about the trip you had planned for Nate and Buck after the mission. It wasn't supposed to be a dangerous one either. Just gathering intel with the boys and then a quick sweep of the estate. The man you were tailing seemed to have made not only SHIELD his enemy, but many others as well. Neither of you expected the explosion that went off a few yards away._

_"Hurry." was all she told you when another one set off right behind you. Trying to dodge the bombardment of explosions became an obstacle. Windows shattered spraying glass into the air and chunks of concrete fell to the ground like a meteor. Men with guns suddenly swarmed the area and you were forced to engage them while trying not to get caught in the loud bangs that nipped at your heels._

_Steve's voice sounded in your ear, static edged each syllable. "You guys okay?!"_

_Natasha grunts, breaking someone's arm and twisting it in an unnatural angle; quickly switching to running behind you. "We got it. Just call for dispatch to pick us up. You got what you needed?"_

_"Yeah. We're getting out right now." Replies Steve._

_"Although it's a bit difficult with the place crumbling around us." Bucky complains._

_"Nothing you can't handle." You chime breathlessly while trying to keep pace. His deep throaty chuckle comes from the other end._

_Someone barreled out of the second floor window above. The physique much resembled your husband. But when he stood up the face was all wrong._

_"(y/n)!!"_

_It all happened within a blink of an eye. The strange man pulling out a pin from a grenade that had been hidden in his fist. Brightness blinding you and aloud crack that deafened you. You didn't even have time to breathe. Natasha's cry was the last thing you heard._

She still remembered all too clearly carrying her body, Natasha's face dead and void of all emotion much like (y/n)'s. Her once beautiful face was cut up and battered, burned from the impact of the explosion.

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it?** _

_**Isn't it over?** _

_**You won and she chose you** _

_**And she loved you** _

_**And she's gone** _

Natasha had burned the clothes that had been soiled with (y/n)'s blood, one of the first things she did when they returned to headquarters with her body. It was Steve who told poor 7 year old Nathaniel; Bucky was too much of a mess to even try and compose himself. How the little boy wept in his uncles large arms that comforted him as much as he could. Natasha wanted to cry like that. Wanted to break down on spot.

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Why can't I move on?** _

Nathaniel opens his weary blue eyes, rolling onto his side. At 15 years old his baby face was starting to disappear and be replaced with that of a young man. "A. . . Aunt Nat?"

Perched on the very edge of his bed Natasha lifts her head. Her face still wet with the rivers she had cried.

"Are you okay?"

"It hurts to look at you." The alcohol running in her veins fueled her. Her voice finally cuts through the silence.

There's rustling of blankets as Nate sits up. "I know. . . I can see it on your face. I think dad feels the same way. But. . . he probably feels obligated to look at me and take care of me. . ." The sorrow in his words hits Natasha, making her look at the desolate boy. "No one here wants to look at me. Uncle Steve is the only one who genuinely likes me."

"Everyone loved. . . still loves. . . your mom."

"I love her too. I miss her too." There's a slight bite when he says this, scowling at her with Bucky's eyes but (y/n)'s soul. "I want her back too. More than anyone. She was my mom."

Sighing Natasha's shoulders slouch. "I guess you would."

_**It's over isn't it?** _

_**Why can't I move on?** _

"Do you remember her? Anything?"

He nods. "More than I let on." Then he smiles. "I remember how she burped whenever she drank soda, loud like dad's. I remember how cold her nose would get in the winter. She'd bury her face in my neck. How after she bathed me she'd put on cartoons and brush my hair. Simple things like that I remember. And. . ." Nate's smile falls, his voice catching in his throat as he curls into himself. "Most of all I remember her voice. I'd pretend to be sleeping when she'd check in on me at night. She'd whisper sweet things in my ear."

There was hardly any light in the room, but Natasha's eyes were well accustomed to the dark. She saw tears roll down his cheeks. It sobered her up quickly. Ashamed Nate wipes his face quickly after he realized she was staring at him.

"You loved her. Didn't you?"

"Everyone did-"

"Not in that way. The way dad loved her. Romantically. You act the way he does on her anniversary."

". . . Yes. I do. She was everything to me."

"Is that another reason why you hate me?"

Natasha frowned. "I don't hate you. Like I said, it's just hard to look at you." Awkwardly she pats Nate on the shoulder. "I'm still mourning. I knew her for almost 20 years. You don't get over it right away when you've known someone for that long."

"It's understandable." Nate nods. He licks his lips and cautiously asks "C-Can you tell me more about her?"

She could never forget (y/n) or the love she felt for her. Those would stay forever. However she didn't have to consume herself in what was lost. (y/n) wasn't completely gone from this world. She'd left behind a wonderful son who was so observant and would make an excellent agent one day. If she took the time to get to know him, maybe she'd see not just (y/n) but Nate as his own person.

"Alright kid, scoot over."

When he does so he scrunches up his nose. "You smell like alcohol."

"And you smell like armpit. So we're even."


End file.
